I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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