oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Who died my cat blue again?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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