when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
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