Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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