do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
