haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
cat food counts as protein by the way
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
