He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Randomize
