her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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