Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
