im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
