She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
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