No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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