we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
