Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
