Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
