I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
