Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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