i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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