one might say we're banned from that church
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
