i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
