I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
