tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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