Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
