i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
