does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
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