Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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