i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
