Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
