I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
