I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
