just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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