thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Randomize
