I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Randomize
