Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
