Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
its liver damage thursday
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
