He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I just found puke in my bra..
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
