I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
