it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
