is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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