using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
