i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
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When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
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Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
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