So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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