Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
