Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
