In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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