fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
He uses pillows to masturbate.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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