If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
