Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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