i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
