Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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