end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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