I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
