My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
