Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
My first STD was from a foam party
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
