if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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