Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
