some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
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When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
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I need water and some morals
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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