I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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