Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
