Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
