Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
