I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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