I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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