My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
