If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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